Trauma: Attachment and Intimacy issues
The Paradox
Survivors of trauma often face a paradoxical dilemma of desiring closeness with others while simultaneously fearing intimacy and relationships. Attachment theory explains that as human beings, we have a natural drive for intimacy that leads us to seek out caregivers for support, connection, and safety during our development. However, being connected with others is an inherently vulnerable act. Growing up with unsafe caregivers to due abuse or neglect can activate a competing drive for safety, security, and defense creating insecure or disorganized attachment.
The Drive for defense
Ogden Minton and Pain state in ‘Trauma and the Body,’ “When the attachment system is aroused, proximity seeking behaviors are mobilized. But when the defensive system is aroused, flight, fight, freeze, or hypoarousal/feigned death responses are mobilized. The disorganized disoriented infant experiences the alternating or simultaneous stimulation of these two opposing psychobiological systems.” In other words when we interact with an attachment figure the parts of our brain responsible for human connection activate and when we experience a defense trigger the parts of our brains responsible for our survival are activated. These two systems can become tied together creating activation of our survival systems while attempting to connect with attachment figures.
These attachment issues can manifest in adults as conflicting desires for closeness and safety, leading to confusion and contradictory behaviors that push others away or create distance. These subtle cues are conveyed through facial expressions, body language, and implicit communication.
Healing attachment wounds
To heal attachment wounds as a trauma survivor, it is crucial to understand the reasons behind these behaviors and learn that it is possible to feel safe and connected in healthy relationships. This can involve teaching your body to feel safe and developing self-compassion, respect, and patience as you work towards healing and growth. If you are interested in learning more, please contact us for a free consultation.
When the weight of trauma feels too heavy to bear, remember, you don't have to carry it alone. Contact us today for a free 15-minute consultation with a psychotherapist. Let's discuss how we can support you on your path to healing and recovery. Reach out now, because your well-being is important to us.
